Someone Speaks

I like sensation, sensuality and abundance. These are what I like.

And surprise. You are unexpectedly exciting or excitingly unexpected, or relaxing and reliable. You are happy and calm and only occasionally fearful, irritated or sad, and blame no one for your feelings.

When I want to be by myself, you are happy to let me be, and when I want to be with you, you are always ready to be with me. You are rarely demanding and almost always grateful. Your ego is gentle and you are in control of it.

Hey

I am open and receptive.
I am open and receptive. I am open and receptive. The universe will bring me people to help me. I will be open and receptive. Oh my god who is that? Jessica is ready with the answer, “Jess, this is Alesa Little”, and my mouth moves, “Pleased to meet you – you look familiar…” and she speaks with a lovely alto voice, “I was in the first, ‘Aladdin’ at the market wearing a veil while the Monkey was performing random acts of petty theft.” A little self deprecating sarcasm, not too much, great posture, stunning smile, eyes glittering with intelligence. Yes.

We sit in the back dining room with the extras and crew, background artists and rendering professionals. As expected, no one comes over to us and we are free to talk. Alesa is so animated – excuse the pun – and I feel her tugging on my heart already.

Am I a fool? Am I too ready to give my love?

I am open and receptive. I am open and receptive.

I drive them home, racing in my mind, should I drop off Jessica first, let the tension build a little so I can show my gentlemanly nature or drop off Alesa first, take the pressure off? These decisions are so difficult.

“Jess,” says Jessica. “Drop me off first. It’s on the way.”

“Okay,” I say.

There They Are

Oh my god look at them, she is all over him. I can’t believe they’re here. Why did they have to come? Look, she can’t keep her hands off him. She wants so to please him.

I used to boost her ego, help her insecurities. She used to confide in me to help herself feel better. She would sigh, waiting for me to express appreciation. She depended on me. She used to call me all the time at work to ask my advice or get help with editing an email. An email! She couldn’t write a goddam email without me. I wonder how she manages now.

Oh my god, the poor bastard!

Dinner Party

The gang, or a gang, we are legion, fabricated characters of the artists’ imaginations. Some have a theory that there is but one artist, but I see many different hands at work – assertion and answer, banter and reply, point and counter. Belly up to the bar and have some inspiration. Make somebody up. Go ahead. Let it be you.

As the artist of your life paint vividly and fiercely. Let your passion flow like the finite waters of earth soon to owned by major corporations, just like you. Your creativity can’t be owned. Display it. Portray it.

Create your time, your story, your character and the characters in your story, your milieu, your universe, your love. Find your togetherness in yourself, for therein it lies for you to excavate and retrieve.

You need never be alone, not even in a room full of characters in which you do not belong.

On Our Way

… and when she massaged my scalp with tea tree oil conditioner she leaned over with her low cut black dress, her hip gently nudging my shoulder – ha ha ha you sound like you got hot, there, kiddo – ya and I was just smiling and I looked up and she was smiling, it was almost as good as sex but safer – yes, the safest sex is no sex – true, but no fun – …. true – so I gave her like a seven dollar tip – ooh, big spender! – well it was like thirty percent – that’s nice – … so when is Roger back? – he’s doing stand up for four nights, flying back sometime Monday, I miss him so much, my little cutie pie – oh stop – you miss Assleigh – Ashley – oh, yes, sorry… Ashley – anyway of course I miss her, we used to text and email and phone constantly when we weren’t actually together and we were together a lot for those few weeks there – I know it, you both seemed so in love, I was really surprised when she took off with Tristan – he’s really what she wanted all along, I was just a diversion – don’t say that – but I think it’s true – I don’t, I think she was very much into you for a little while and that didn’t change until she met Tristan – still it is kind of a negation, I am nothing like him, well maybe a little, but it’s that ‘perfect body’ shit again, just like suzy in college, I was never good enough – that’s the past – I know but I feel like it’s always – that’s the future – yes, but – you have to live now, Jess, because now is the only time you really have.

Wow.

Bet You Think

“…. and when you’re not, you’re with some underworld spy or…”

“… wife of a close friend, wife of a… oh, hi Jessica.”

Manifestation

I love being here. I love this vehicle of my creation and design, this thing I have constructed to carry me through this physical existence. I love the physical sensations. I love what it can do. I love its limitations and strengths. It is perfect for me.

Tonight when I go to this dinner party with my peers I will arrive exactly at the right time, refreshed and ready to do whatever it is I will need to do there. Jessica will be my friend and helper, and I will be her friend and helper. We will be helpful and kind to each other, each noticing what is perfect in the other, each ignoring what is not perfect in the other.

The clothes I am wearing will be perfect for the occasion. I will look exactly as I want to look. Everyone at the party will look perfect. I will not think even for a moment what they think of me, or pass judgment on the choices they are making. All of our choices are perfect for these separate journeys we make together.

At the party I will find tools to help me get exactly what I want. Every moment I am getting closer to knowing exactly what I want, and this party will help me even more. At this party I will be steered in the direction of my desire. I choose to be moved in the direction of that which I most desire.

In this infinite universe I choose absolute abundance, because in an infinite universe there is enough for everyone and more. I choose absolute good health.

I know that I am loved beyond my ability to comprehend. I am grateful for love, abundance and joy, and I look forward to continued love, abundance and joy without end.

My work for now is done. As I go out into the universe, I will continue to learn what it is I want and to choose those experiences that I desire.

Breathe.

Dressing to Go Out

Hmm, what should I wear?

Jessica Again

Out of the blue she called, though red is her favorite. She is happily married and my friend.

We spoke of times past, when my immortality seemed assured as hers does now. It would have helped I think if I had a rack like that, though she is often misjudged by it, as if breasts indicate a psychological predilection or personality trait! Hogwash! They are just breasts. Nevertheless, they are.

Roger was out of town, and she wanted my company. We knew each other well enough that she did not want my sexuality, only my presence. I enjoyed being present with her, making of my time a present to her, my married friend.

An escort was on her mind, that she should not go to the party un-escorted, whereas I her friend, etcetera. I was willing to agree. Her on my arm would not hurt my image. Yet still a trepidation over the future, who might be there, what they might say, though I said…

YES

…. anyway.

How could I say no to HER?

Rising

I begrudge nothing, love, gladly pay today the price, aloneness, loneliness notwithstanding, never truly alone: always with love, always with joy. Silent now my guides stare down at pain outside their ken, distortion that makes me almost invisible. But it is not your pain, love. It is only mine.

How difficult it is to realize the stupidity of jealousy!

How hard it is to realize that blame is a misconception inflicted on the self!

Cleanse, I am Spirit, receptive and open, ready for the Creative to manifest my intention. I am Spirit. I am.

I begin now to imagine, imagining desire, I am intending, knowing a better time, now, the best time, the only time. I love this moment because it is all I have. Here in this moment I am, for it is the only place/time to be. My breath is all there is. I am empty, holding my desire like flowers in a vase. The value of any space is its emptiness.

Creating space, it will be filled as is the way of things. Already she begins to appear as I draw nearer and nearer to exactly what it is that I want. I can feel her, smell her, almost taste her. My heart beats for her coming, for she will certainly come. With eyes closed I see her smiling with our shared joy as I smile with anticipation of the happiest of times.